you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
