Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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