My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Two words: nipple clamps
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