we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
