I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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