Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
