I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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