So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
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Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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