I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
