Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why do cheetos always look like penises
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
