So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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