I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
