I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
