Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
