the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
