I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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