do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
