I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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