I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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