The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
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Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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