Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
