Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
