i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
