woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
