This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
