all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
