Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
