i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
