Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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