We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
