I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
