I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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