Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
