what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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