nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
