i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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