I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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