The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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