How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm gonna have a badass scar
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
