she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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