Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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