my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
