I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
