somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
