Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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