did you get engaged???
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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