Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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