I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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