My sheets look like a crime scene.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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