zippers are such a cool invention
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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