yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
