Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
