cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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