I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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