2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
