my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize