I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
