Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
