i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is Oprah even human
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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