i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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